Realizations

Today Todd and I were talking and he made a very good point.

When you have a baby your world changes. When you become a parent things are not the same. Your whole world shifts. You can never be the same person you were before, no matter how hard you try. There is something within you that is just different. It's not bad, just not the same. The bottom line is your world is very different.

And when you lose a baby your world changes. No matter how much you heal, no matter what thoughts you have, no matter what, period... your whole world shifts. You can never be the same person you were before, no matter how hard you try. There is something within you that is just different.

This has been a difficult concept for me to grasp. I definitely pick up on these things later than Todd does. I hear myself echo his sentiments as they strike me later than they did him. It is one of the many feelings I have felt, unspoken before I hear them come from his mouth. We are always going to be parents that lost a baby. It is a part of who we are. That empty spot where our infant son was supposed to blossom into our toddler, our preschooler, our teenager, our grown man... that will always be. It will always be a big emptiness.

All in all, Todd and I are lucky. It feels so sick to say that we are lucky, because lucky people don't have a dead baby. We are lucky because we have two beautiful children. We are lucky because we have can lean on each other. We are lucky because all of our family reached out and has been helping us. We are lucky because my Navy community has really come forward and supported us.

Rhys Prescott, 17 Aug - 26 Sept 2012

We are lucky...but still, we are empty, and we are changed, and we are the parents of a dead baby, who had all the potential in the world snatched from him for absolutely no reason. We are not ok... but we will be.