Sami is so excited about a new baby. Rowan still doesn't seem terribly interested or concerned about it, but I think he'll get there in his own time. Sami told Todd she wants a baby girl, and Todd told her that he wants another boy. The interaction made my heart full. I told my therapist that I wanted a girl because I would hate to feel like this baby is a replacement. He reassured me nicely, saying that the fact that we worry about feeling that way is a sure sign that we would never let it happen. New baby will not ever be able to replace the amazing boy we lost, and there is no way we could love it any less for coming after him.
Sami has been obsessed with babies lately. She brings home books from school that she has to read to three people. She always picks Mom, Dad or Ro, and baby. The other day we were looking at pictures on my phone right before bed, and she asked me if we could please call and talk to baby Rhys. It was hard to explain to her again that he is dead, and that means that he isn't anywhere that we can call him. Her little eyes filled with tears, and all I could do was hold her, and tell her that I miss him, too.
I guess I'm not the only one confused by all the feelings brought on by this pregnancy. We are keeping it positive. Only 7 months left.
